Talk Therapy: Hard Conversations - How to Have Them

Jun 27, 2022

In the first two episodes, we discussed the real reasons we avoid hard conversations and why we need to have them. This week we are diving into how to have healthy and hard conversations.

All the tips I am going to share today are simple and practical but may take time and practice to implement. It’s okay if you don’t nail them all the time but circle back to them before having a hard conversation to see if there is one you would like to improve on for that situation.

Here are 10 simple steps to have a hard yet healthy conversation:

• Pray first and always
• Start simple (Discuss ONE problem at a time and be SPECIFIC.)
• Ask for a good time to talk (choose calm moments rather than when either of you is stressed, tired, or hungry)
• Try your best to do it in person or on the phone. Emails and texts often get misinterpreted
• Come with an open and teachable heart
• Use “I statements”. This takes away the blame of “you never”. Use this simple sentence structure “I feel (insert emotion) when you (insert situation or behavior).” Here is a YOU vs I example, “You’re so closed off. We need to talk more.” With “I” statement: “I feel lonely when we don’t talk.”
• Avoid words like “always” and “never”
• Avoid hurtful body language (eye-rolling, scowling, mocking, crossed arms)
• Tell them you value the relationship too much to not bring up this thing that is coming between you.
• Thank them for listening.

Conversation Challenge:

• Go back to where we started: do you struggle with avoiding these hard conversations? Be brave and choose to have one hard conversation this week.
• Remember, start simple and small. Don’t practice all 10 steps at once. If all you can do is pray and ask the Holy Spirit to give you the words you need to say…that will be enough.
• Share this episode with a friend. You might even share it with someone with who you need to have a hard conversation. You can let them know it would mean a lot to you if they listened before you talked. Then your first conversation could be about what God spoke to you in this series.

Resource mentioned:

Communication guide

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